DOH!
Lesson learned: Hex tubing is white; CPVC is yellow.
The outside diameter of 1/2” Hex tubing, for example, is smaller than that of 1/2” CPVC. Maybe that’s why they’re different colors. No wonder the repair kept blowing out as soon as I turned the water back on! The white tubing I was using is not supposed to work with the yellow fittings I was using!
I thought I had forgotten how to use primer and glue to make a watertight joint. I also thought it might have been caused by my inability to display a proper plumber’s butt crack because I was wearing bib overalls.
Many thanks to my brother in law, Fish Hook, for setting me straight and helping me make the repair for the 6th, and final time. Thanks also to my darling daughter, Laura, for spending the afternoon handing Daddy tools, helping me cut and glue water line, fetching tools I threw across the yard when the repair blew out……again, making numerous trips to Lowe’s for more parts when the repair blew out……again and being there in case I got my crippled old butt stuck under the house and needed help ……….rescue squad………. fire department……… tow truck to drag me out from under the house……….etc.
Did I mention the leak was in the hot water line coming out of the water heater and turning off the main water supply didn’t make the water stop draining out of the tank until it was empty…….and it emptied itself in the exact spot I had to occupy while wresting pipe?
Did I mention that I had turned the power to the water heater off when I first heard the leak to prevent burning the coils out as the tank emptied so the water leaking all over me was no longer warm?
You know, it’s amazing how dirty you can get laying in a puddle of COLD water all afternoon! The water heater should be full by now. I sure hope the water gets warm soon!
Anywho, our annual “Cold weather’s here, time for a plumbing leak!” episode is over and it’s time to move on to other mischief!
East Bound and Down
Preparations are under way for our trip home to celebrate Mom’s 88th birthday.This means the sorting, packing, re-sorting, re-packing, re-re-sorting…..well you get the idea….. is underway and I’ll be out in the backyard cursing at the trees any minute now.
This is good practice for the trip home because it’s a proven fact that the idiot per mile population on Virginia’s highways increases exponentially as you travel east until you get to the gridlock that is Hampton Roads, road rage capitol of the known world. Add to that the stress from having to keep a sharp eye out for speed traps and it’s little wonder my blood pressure spikes every time I have to make the trip.
If there is one thing the USAF taught me that stuck it’s how to pack. I can usually get my bags packed (duffle, camera bags and computer bag) in 10 minutes but Frankie, Queen of the Pack Rats, always has a terrible time cramming everything into and on top of the truck. If we had a tractor trailer she would find a way to overload it! I’m always amazed that a fidget (Female mIDGET) always needs a suitcase that’s at least twice the size of everything I carry, combined.
Once Frankie finishes overloading Godzilla I have to wait until she falls asleep before going out and unloading enough junk crap trash “good stuff” to allow room for me to drive the truck and use the rear view mirrors. When she wakes up she always tries to stuff the excess back into the truck until I get that look in my eye and start searching for matches. Then she squirrels it away until her next attempt at setting a Guinness Book world record for most junk hauled across Virginia in a passenger vehicle.
Internet access at Mom’s involves a trip to McDonald’s to use their free Wi-Fi access because Mom views computers as one of the greatest evils ever visited upon mankind. My Internet Service Provider does not offer dial up access and the cost of a wireless plan would put a dent in my camera gear budget and that ain’t happening! I do have a 3G cell phone but I’m an old geezer and only use my cell for phone. I dropped the data plan after realizing that I only used it for about an hour total during the 3 month mandatory prescription period when I first got the phone. I figured the extra $49 a month would be better spent on that huge lens I wanted……and I did!
Anyhoo, I’ll be off line for most of the next week. When I get back I should have loads of pictures to share. On the other hand I may make the papers if I succumb to temptation and open fire on the idiots in a Virginia Beach traffic jam. At least tourist season is over so I’ll only have to deal with local idiots wandering around lost and not the summer time imported variety (mostly from Ohio, New Jersey and Quebec), as well.
See you when we get back….. unless I’m incarcerated or involuntarily committed!
P.S. If you happen to find yourself on a Virginia highway anywhere between Mount Rogers and the Atlantic Ocean during the next week you may want to re-consider your trip. That large green object with a dog head hanging out each side rapidly growing larger in your rear view mirrors will be Godzilla moving at a high rate of speed in and easterly direction tomorrow and westerly a week from tomorrow. I’m not braking for anything! You have been warned.
Writer’s block my eye!
More like concussion if you ask me and I should know……I gave it to him and I’ll give him another if “Santa Claus” in the Big Brown Truck keeps bringing him new toys every couple of days!
Cat Patrol
The name’s Buddy. I’m in charge of keeping cats out of Mom’s flower beds.
Want to go kitty cat hunting?
They like to sneak in here when nobody’s looking.
All you have to do is sit patiently……
……and they’ll show up!
What did I tell you? I can’t show you what happens next. Daddy was too slow on the shutter button.
It’s okay, I didn’t hurt ‘em.
I wonder how long it’ll take them to climb down out of that tree.
When they do I’ll be ready to chase ‘em back up.
I’m a dog……it’s what I do…….and I love my job!
The Madness, part 2
It was a beautiful sunny day when I pried my eyes open this morning.
I even managed to catch a robin hunting for breakfast in the neighbor’s freshly mowed lawn before he spotted me and turned around to hide that beautiful red orange breast. You may recall from an earlier post that the robins have been messing with my head this year and turning their backs as soon as I framed a shot. Maybe this one hadn’t had his morning coffee yet.
Frankie’s azaleas have so many blossoms on them this year that it’s hard to find any of the leaves! The yard smells amazing and the scent of them wafting through the open windows is wonderful.
The reds, always the last to open for some reason, are finally in full bloom….
……as are the pinks.
The knockout rose Laura gave Frankie for Mother’s Day last year has is covered in buds and the first blossom is ready to open.
First bloom of the season on the Old Maid’s Bonnet. This one plant produces purple, pink and white blossoms.
Frankie tending her pot farm. NO, NOT THAT KIND OF POT! She’s growing peppers and strawberries in pots on the patio.
The Shasta Daisy Mom sent home with us last summer. She has an amazing variety of flowers and plants growing in her yard and always sends a few home with us each time we visit.
You’ll remember the picnic table I decided to repair last week. I never got around to sealing it when we bought it and five Blue Ridge Mountain winters really did a job on it. As I started removing rotted lumber to get at the salvageable portions I soon discovered there were no salvageable portions!
I decided the easiest solution was to build a new table but the project came to a halt after I got the table top and legs cut and partially assembled. That was when I finally admitted that my back could take no more. I was feeling much better this morning and could stand looking at that partially completed project no more so I broke out the power tools and with Frankie’s help the construction is finished! Good thing too, because by the time I got all the tools collected and put away my back was wrecked once again.
When operating a hammer it is always important to make certain you hit the correct nail. If you happen to miss you may find yourself doing the “ WRONG @#&%$! NAIL!” dance.
Then you’ll have to go looking for the hammer you threw across the yard.
The black and blue is still spreading and in a couple of days I’ll be twirling a drill bit between my right index finger and thumb to relieve the pressure under the nail.
This time we’ll give the table at least 3 good coats of polyurethane stain. In the fall a couple coats of water sealer should carry us through the winter nicely. The new porch will receive the same treatment except it will just get sealer and no stain. We like the natural wood look for the porch but want the table to match the rest of the lawn furniture. Did I mention that the Adirondack chairs need repairs? Guess I had better buy enough lumber to build 2 new ones.
The old picnic table waiting for Laura to come over with the Jeep so she and Frankie can haul it off to the dump.
It’s okay, Buddy. Daddy isn’t cussing at you.
Momma’s baby!
Momma’s other baby, Godzilla. After more than a year of making excuses for not wanting to learn how to handle my Expedition I tricked her into it. While out running errands recently I “missed” my turn on the way home. rather than turn around I took the next right which “just happened to be” one of the back roads Sam and I used to cruise on our photo adventures.
I pulled over, got out and told her to get behind the wheel. by the time we hit pavement, several miles down the road she was hooked on the power and the view from way up there.
Turns out I was too clever for my own good. After driving it back and forth to work for the past week and using it to run a few errands she had given me official notice: “That’s MY TRUCK! I’ll let you drive it on the Interstate…..maybe!”
I’m pretty wiped out after today’s adventure so I’m taking the easy way out and posting this on my Blogger page, Virginia Through My Lens, as well.
Besides, the pain meds are starting to kick in and I think I may need a nap.
Thanks for stopping by!
Here We Go Again
For those of you who have risked whiplash while shaking your head over some of the things I do to myself (and admit to) this will probably come as no surprise. Spring Fever (aka THE MADNESS) has seized me once more.
You’ll note that Frankie is running for her life in the first frame. After 25 years she has learned that when I get THAT LOOK in my eye it’s best to get far, far away. Of course, yesterday being my 27th birthday……again……she refrained from employing BANGY! BANGY! (the swift and repeated application of a cast iron skillet to my headbone until I change my mind…..what’s left of it).
As I was out shooting photos of Frankie’s Azaleas in bloom I happened to note the sorry state of our picnic table.
Four Blue Ridge Mountain winters have really done a number on this poor thing.
Among other career paths (just call me a jack of all trades, master on none) I actually got paid to bend nails risk self inflicted amputation drive the site foreman to wonder if he had been drunk when he hired me work as a carpenter for a couple of years. A quick appraisal of that poor table revealed that I could salvage the frame but would have to replace the table and bench tops.
Piece of cake!
Yeah…….right.
As with most home improvement projects, a simple project soon turned into a major pain…..literally! After two days of what has become a construction project rather than a repair my already screwed up back is killing me! Before my accident I could have built a new table in an afternoon. Of course, before my accident, I would have gotten by with repairing the table rather than building a new one.
At least the folks at Lowe’s are happy because I take the time to visit their web site before handing Frankie a list and saying “I need this.” She then drives to the store, walks up to the customer service counter, slaps the list on the counter and says “I need this.” The list even has the sku numbers and price so all they have to do is send one of their evil minions scurrying through the aisles to retrieve the items on the list.
Construction should be complete by tomorrow afternoon. I would say that all I had to do after that was stain and seal the finished table. I’m not saying anything of the sort even though I am about half stoned out of what’s left of my mind on prescription pain killers. That statement always gets me in trouble and I’m not tempting fate anymore until I start my next “simple” project.
At least, so far, I haven’t lost any fing…..
Oh no……you’re not going to read about me losing a thumb…….or maybe an ear applying stain. You may laugh but with me anything is possible! Is that neck starting to bother you a little bit now?
More photos to follow.
Contrary to popular belief……
…………….I did not fall off the edge of the world. My canine pal, Buddy, damaged the front porch while chasing a cat and, among other things, I used to bang nails for a living so…….
For those who don’t already know, I wrecked my back in a fall at home in 2005, fracturing several vertebrae and damaging my spinal cord. When surgery to repair the fractures in my lumbar spine failed to correct the problem I was forced to retire on disability.
I’m what my father would call “bull headed”, a trait shared by all my siblings and just about all of our relatives on Pop’s side of the family. Being bull headed and refusing to let my physical problems, or common sense for that matter, dictate what I can and can’t do I sometimes push the envelope a little too far and end up paying the price.
The week before last I really pushed it. This past week I paid for it. I’m also a chronic pain patient and have an impressive collection of narcotic pain killers in various dosages, some of which could probably knock out an elephant.
I only take my meds when I absolutely have to. This past week, after deciding to not just repair the porch but to re-design and re-build it without bothering to ask for help I have been taking full doses of all of my meds. I have also spent most of my “waking hours” stoned out of my gourd, staring at the idiot box and trying not to drool on my chest. To give you an idea of just how loopy, every thing Charlie Sheen has been saying makes perfect sense to me!
This is why I haven’t been blogging or even playing around on Face Book. It’s not that I haven’t tried, it’s just that the Gibberish to English translator on my laptop has apparently malfunctioned and I’ll have to do a lot of password resetting…….
…….as soon as the drugs wear off………again!
You see, I was feeling pretty good this morning and the weather was nothing short of glorious; sunny, pleasant little breeze and 72°F ( about 22°C for those of a metric persuasion) so I decided to tackle a few little jobs I’ve been meaning to get to.
The first order of business was to change out those lamps in Godzilla’s headlights for the high powered ones I bought at Auto Zone. I put a set in Laura’s Jeep a couple of years back and people were flashing their high beams at us in an attempt to tell us we had our brights on. Flashing her high beams in response left several people suffering temporary blindness as well as flash burns.
Godzilla sits a lot higher off the ground than the Jeep and I can’t wait to show that jerk across the street my high powered headlights! I wonder if his vinyl siding will melt if I aim them at his house and leave them on all night.
Next I decided to do a little more on the porch, nothing too strenuous mind you, so I broke out the implements of construction, buckled on my carpenter’s belt and proceeded to measure, cut, curse, nail, curse some more when I hit the wrong nail (usually thumb nail), drop stuff where I couldn’t reach, curse ………. and wreck my back again.
At least I still have plenty of meds!
As you can see, I also managed to get a few shots of the sunset this evening. I wanted to be sure the camera was ready for the super moon tomorrow night, the largest it has appeared in the sky in 18 years.
I also discovered the camera needs a good cleaning, especially the sensor, but I’m not going to try that until the meds wear off.
See? I do have a little common sense, especially when it comes to playing with delicate electronics while stoked to the gills on pain killers, muscle relaxers, sleep aids, nerve pain meds.
Besides, I can’t do any fine work with my hands until the bandages come off. Did I mention that Frankie spent a good half hour doctoring all the cuts, scrapes and splinters I picked up today. I won’t repeat any of the “special” words she used when voicing her opinion of “a man my age” doing the bull headed things I do. Your monitor would probably catch fire if I did.
Oh look………the meds must be kicking in…….the cartoons in my head have started and it’s a Road Runner marathon! WOO-HOO!
P.S. If you are having trouble following all this you may want to stop by www.tigerbloodAdonisgenes.com and have Charlie Sheen explain today’s post. I’m sure he knows where I’m coming from.
First Impressions
The guy in the large brown truck FINALLY arrived about 10 minutes after I had given up on him and headed for town. I think what actually happened was that Frankie called him and told him it was safe to deliver my new laptop……that I was gone and didn’t have a gun or 3 with me when I left. I can’t wait until he shows up tomorrow with the next box that I ordered (Ain’t package tracking great?) I’ll bet he has a stroke lugging that box up to my porch and the icing on the cake will be my devilish grin when I tell him to be careful with that case of ammunition he’s toting!
Anywho, Elmo 8.0 is here and I’m playing with it to see what all the buttons do. Now for some first impressions:
- This Toshiba laptop with the high definition 17.3 inch screen is HUGE compared to my old machine! I love the graphics!
- I ordered 8 Gb of RAM and this thing smokes!
- The keyboard will take some getting used to and the key response isn’t what I’m used to but I shall endeavor to persevere. The numeric keypad on the right side is nice to have.
- I ordered a wireless laser trackball and I LOVE it but have a feeling I may be walking around with a sprained thumb before long.
- Windows 7…….I’ll get used to it before long but I do have one major gripe. Those thick headed trolls at Microshaft have decided that you’ll either use Windows Live Mail or pay $50 for a copy of Outlook! I don’t even have a Live or Hotmail account anymore and even if I did it is incompatible with my main mail account so I’m stuck using web mail again……or at least until I can get in touch with my ISP tomorrow and have them tell me why I can’t make Thunderbird work.
Oh well…..tomorrow’s another day. Frankie has to get her head examined vision checked, I hope to get my new glasses while she’s being tortured examined and then we need to make a very large cash donation to Wal-Mart and Food lion in exchange for enough groceries to make the chest freezer, fridge and cabinets bulge. Laura has already been warned that we still have a key to her apartment and we may need to use some of her storage space as well.
Now….back to transferring files from Elmo 7.0 to Elmo 8.0.
More Birds
On the way home from NOT GETTING my new lenses from the optometrist I spotted movement in a tree top. It’s a good thing I had my glasses in my pocket because, had I been wearing them, I wouldn’t have seen the tree, let alone the hawk in the top of the tree. More on this later.
I’m just about certain this is a Red-Tailed Hawk (Buteo jamaicensis) which is a common variety around these parts. Thanks to C.S. Miller for correctly identifying another member of this species I managed to capture, poorly, for my Grahams Forge Road post.
Isn’t that a gorgeous bird?
I was lucky to catch him highlighted by the late afternoon sun. If he had been a little lower in that tree the shadow of the ridge just across the road probably would have hidden him from view.
A little more movement under another tree a few dozen yards east of that one and I knew what had the hawk’s attention.
A flock of Wild Turkeys (Meleagris gallopavo) was holed up under that tree and they weren’t going anywhere as long as that raptor was perched nearby. A wild turkey is a sizeable bird, at least as big if not bigger than a red tailed hawk. I don’t know if a hawk would even tangle with a bird that size but these girls (they were all hens) weren’t about to press their luck!
Now, for the situation with the spectacles. I’ve needed new glasses for at least 2 years but, between Frankie’s salary and my meager Social Security pension there were other budget items we deemed more important…..food, prescription medications, utilities to name a few.
Lately my vision has deteriorated to the point where new glasses had become a necessity. Putting it off any longer would result in a spike in my car insurance rates because it has been getting difficult to distinguish between the idiots who actually need running over and the idiots who are just too slow to get out of my way.
I went in for an eye exam in November. After trotting out every fancy machine in the building and trying them out on me the doc gave me that look that said “You’re not driving with these on, are you?”
Then she sent me to her partners in crime on the other side of her office, the optical shop, to discuss lens and frame options. To be fair, I have been advised on several other occasions that I may be at risk fro glaucoma and a couple of the specialize tests are to keep an eye on the thinning of a portion of my inner eye.
As a matter of fact, one of her former associates had originally told me I had “stage 1 glaucoma”. By the time I was examined by an ophthalmologist and told that diagnosis was “a little premature” the aforementioned associate had moved on to practice elsewhere thus explaining why I didn’t need a cast for my hand which I fully intended to break on his face. But I digress…….
The optical shop people cheerfully flipped through my chart, went into the back room “to consult” (I know I heard them singing “We’re In the Money!”) and eventually came back out to where I was sitting.
Optical person: “Your vision insurance will pay up to $200 for new lenses and frames!”
Me: “Can’t you just put new lenses in my frames?”
Optical person: “Well, yes…..if you want to keep those frames.”
Me: “What’s wrong with these frames? I bought them here!”
Optical person: “Oh nothing…….I guess.”
Me: “How much for just the lenses?”
Optical person: “Well, progressive lenses with scratch coating, anti-glare coating, kryptonite meteorite resistant coating, ……..”
Me: “How much?”
Optical person: ”Mrs. Allen, your husband did leave his gun at home this time, didn’t he? We don’t want to have to call the police again.”
THE BOSS: “Well, he doesn’t have one on him but I don’t know if he has any out in the truck.”
Me: “I’m not getting down off of this desk until you tell me how much!”
Optical person: “Well, with all of those features and the portion of your exam that isn’t covered by your insurance………….$588.00”
Me: “588.00!!!!! Lady you better call 911 and tell them to send every ambulance within 100 miles because a whole bunch of us are gonna need a ride to the Emergency Room!”
Today, after scrimping and saving and making payments since November, we were finally able to pay off the balance due thanks to our state income tax refund. I was all excited and couldn’t wait for Frankie to get off work so we could go pick up my new lenses and I would once again be able to read a book, or text on TV, or road signs!
We paid off the balance at one desk, were sent around to the optical shop, handed over our receipt and, after disappearing into the back (I swear I heard people singing “We Gotta Get Out of This Place”) the optical person came back out and timidly said:
“I’m sorry Mr. Allen but we weren’t sure you still wanted those lenses so we sent them back to the lab last week. I can call and get them here in a couple of days if you still want them.
“IF I STILL WANT THEM???? WE’VE BEEN FUNNELING EVERY SPARE NICKLE AND DIME INTO PAYING FOR THOSE THINGS FOR 4 MONTHS AND YOU WANT TO KNOW IF I STILL WANT THEM? LADY YOU BETTER CALL 911 AND TELL THEM I’M HERE AND WHAT YOU JUST TOLD ME!”
I must be getting more mellow as I age because I let Frankie lure me out of there before the police arrived. She promised to take me to McDonald’s. We haven’t been able to afford THAT for the past 4 months because we were paying on my glasses. Besides, she said if I got arrested I’d probably be in jail for years before she could save up enough to bail me out!
My new lenses are supposed to be ready for pick up by the time Frankie goes in for her eye exam, Wednesday. I’m going down to the courthouse Tuesday night and stealing that 105MM howitzer sitting out front…….just in case!
He’s b-a-a-a-a-a-c-k!!!
After a nasty crash Friday evening I finally have my laptop functioning properly once again. I wiped the hard drive and did a clean install of Windows Vista Home Premium using the re-install DVD that came with the computer.
While waiting for all the updates and patches to download and install I spent some time at the bedroom window waiting for a cardinal to appear. My patience was soon rewarded.
I came out of this entire mess far better than some of my more spectacular crashes of years past. The portable hard drives the girls gave me for Christmas 2009 to store my photos on came with a very handy utility that puts a pop up message on my desk top reminding me to back up my files. All I have to do is connect the USB cable, click okay and the backup is done while I continue to wander cyber space, kill space aliens or do whatever it is I do when left without adult supervision. If the cable could attach itself this would be totally idiot proof!
In the past I had the auto update set to run Sunday morning but this past week decided to change the setting to run Friday evening while I’m busy yelling at the talking heads on the nightly “news”. Man, was that a good decision!
This week’s back up finished at 6:44. The crash occurred at approximately 9:30. As I had already done the day’s photo editing and written and published a blog for the day all that was lost was my web surfing history and my saved game progress from an hour or so of “Redneck Rampage”! Yes, I know it’s an oldie and it has to run in compatibility mode but sometimes a guy just needs a good first person shooter to keep the voices in his head happy.
As I said, I wiped the hard drive and did a clean install of Windows Vista and Microsoft Office. My re-install disks are 2 years old and did not include any of the service packs and “important” updates Microshaft has dumped on us in the meantime. I meant to disable the automatic install feature in Windows Update but once it started running I was a little leery of interfering so I let it go….and go….and go…. it took 46 hours and that was using a brand new DSL modem and letting the system run constantly!
At least I got a quick dose of Face Book now and then to stay in touch with the outside world now and then. By the outside world I mean out there in Cyber Space, not outside of my house. By court order I’m not allowed to touch any of the dirt bags miserable bastards pieces of s*** a**holes neighbors after that unfortunate slinging gravel across the street with the Dandelion Destroyer….every time I saw them outdoors episode. On the plus side we had the best trimmed lawn on this end of the street before the sheriff took the keys to my lawn mower. Little does he know that keys are for people who don’t know how to hotwire and engine!
Now I sit here with a fully functional laptop, Windows Live Essentials 2011 and even Internet Explorer 8! The latter is still too damn slow for me and I’ll stick with Google Chrome for my web surfing. As for the former, there are a few features in it (Messenger, Live Mail, Family Controls, etc.) that I’m going to uninstall but this thing does work and it’s even a little faster.
I still have to restore the backed up files but I have files to restore this time. I also have all the photos I’ve shot in the past 2 years, nearly 40,000 of them, as well as all the Mp3 files I’ve “found on the web”. I think that rates a WOO-HOO!
LEARN FROM MY EXPERIENCE FOLKS;
BACK UP THEM FILES!
YA NEVER KNOW…….
Oh, and I didn’t really use my riding mower as an improvised gravel chunkin’ machine gun to terrorize the neighborhood jerks who seem to take great satisfaction in doing everything they can think of to piss me off……..or did I?
This does not compute
Last night I was happily surfing the web, half watching TV and scratching the dog’s head from time to time when Murphy’s Law (what ever can go wrong will go wrong) reached up and smacked me right between the eyes. My laptop crashed and crashed hard!
After rebooting in Safe Mode, only to have the machine crash again before Windows finished loading, 3 times, I dug out the installation CD and set about the task of wiping my hard drive and doing a full re-install.
Thank God my external hard drive came with software that includes an automatic back up feature. I recently changed the settings for the back up operation which is now set to run every Friday evening while I’m yelling at the news readers on the idiot box. All I have to do is connect the drive and everything else is done for me.
At 3:00 AM Windows finally finished installing and I was too bleary eyed to do anything else so I gave up and went to bed. So far I have re-installed Microsoft Office and, as I type Windows Update is downloading the 1.61 GB of updates it says I need. Once that is completed I’ll connect the portable hard drive and restore the files I lost in the crash.
Hopefully, sometime today everything will be hunky dorey and I can get back to terrorizing the web. The operational word here is HOPEFULLY! We shall see……
Things is lookin’ up…….sort of
WOO-HOO, I’m back online at maximum speed and I am happy about that! Now all I have to do is catch up on the 300 or so blog updates I haven’t been able to read over the weekend due to modem malfunctions. At this point I would like to thank Mrs. Francisco, my fifth grade teacher, who made us learn speed reading whether we wanted to or not! Even though I wasn’t very happy about it back then I am now.
Buddy is home again, after a “sleepover at the vet clinic” last night. I don’t think he has discovered his missing parts yet, poor guy. It may be my imagination but I’d swear his voice has risen a couple of octaves. He’s a little puzzled by our refusal to play Buddy Ball …. throw the ball, he chases it down, you try to get the ball away from him, repeat …. but the post surgical instructions say no vigorous exercise until the sutures come out in 10 to 14 days. It’s just as well because he’s having a terrible time keeping his eyes open.
Buddy will need all the rest he can get in the coming days. He absolutely loves snow and it looks like he’s gonna have plenty to romp in if the National Weather Guessing, Star Gazing and Palm Reading Service get’s this one right:
Winter Storm Warning 331 PM EST TUE JAN 25 2011 …HEAVY SNOWFALL WEDNESDAY INTO WEDNESDAY NIGHT…. A STRONG LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM WILL TRACK FROM THE CENTRAL GULFCOAST INTO EASTERN NORTH CAROLINA ON WEDNESDAY MORNING AND AFTERNOON. SIGNIFICANT COLD AIR ALOFT COMBINED WITH SIGNIFICANT MOISTURE FROM THE GULF OF MEXICO WILL RESULT IN HEAVY SNOW AS WELL AS PERIODS OF SLEET AND FREEZING RAIN BEGINNING EARLY WEDNESDAY MORNING AND LASTING THROUGH WEDNESDAY EVENING. …WINTER STORM WARNING IN EFFECT FROM 4 AM WEDNESDAY TO MIDNIGHT EST WEDNESDAY NIGHT… THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN BLACKSBURG HAS ISSUED A WINTER STORM WARNING FOR HEAVY SNOW, SLEET AND AREAS OF FREEZING RAIN WHICH IS IN EFFECT FROM 4 AM WEDNESDAY TO MIDNIGHT EST WEDNESDAY NIGHT. THE WINTER STORM WATCH HAS BEEN UPGRADED TO A WARNING. * HAZARD TYPES…PROLONGED HEAVY WET SNOW IS EXPECTED. * ACCUMULATIONS…4 TO 8 INCHES OF SNOW ARE EXPECTED. *
* TIMING…RAIN OR A LIGHT WINTRY MIX WILL CHANGE TO SNOW BY MID DAY WEDNESDAY AND CONTINUE INTO WEDNESDAY EVENING. * IMPACTS…DANGEROUS TRAVEL CONDITIONS DUE TO SNOW COVERED ROADS ARE EXPECTED. DOWNED TREES AND POWER LINES ARE POSSIBLE DUE TO THE HEAVY WET SNOW. * WINDS…NORTHWEST WINDS WITH SPEEDS INCREASING TO 10 TO 15 MPH AND GUSTS UP TO 30 MPH ARE EXPECTED WEDNESDAY EVENING. * TEMPERATURES…FORECAST TO BE IN THE LOWER 30S WEDNESDAY WILL DROP INTO THE 20S WEDNESDAY NIGHT. *Taking past performance on the forecasters’ part into consideration this translates to either no snow at all or 4 to 8 feet!
Today Laura is getting a lesson in the downside of having her own vehicle. When she got her driver’s license 2 years ago we gave her the Jeep her mother had been using. While she has paid for such things as registration renewal, county sticker, fuel, etc. we’ve kept the Jeep in my name for insurance purposes. She’s covered under my family plan which means much lower rates than if she had her own insurance.
She and her mother took great pleasure in applying this decal on the liftgate window. I didn’t mind all that much because this happened just after my accident, and the incredibly stiff suspension, made it impossible for me to ride in it, much less drive it.
When Laura got the Jeep she added these decals and I have a feeling she’ll be wearing the same expression when she calls home during her break tonight. I just got a call from the garage. The $56 quote for safety inspection, oil and filter change and fluid top off has just gone up another $80 thanks to almost worn out front brake pads.
I shall not gloat. Godzilla is due for inspection in March and I already know of one minor suspension part that needs replacing. I’m praying that’s all it needs. This is the absolute worst part of learning to live with my physical limitations; paying someone else to maintain my vehicle. After 16 years as a master automotive tech knowing what is wrong and not being able to just crawl under there and fix it just grates on my nerves!
At least we have an honest, dependable and reasonably priced mechanic. We took our old minivan to a different shop once and their shop manager tried to convince me that it needed nearly $6,000 in repairs before they could release it to us because it “wasn’t safe to operate.” I very nearly got arrested over that…….and, NO, he didn’t get the $6,000 either! He was lucky to leave his office alive. Frankie had to use all her persuasive powers to keep me from beating him to death with his own clipboard……..because she wanted to do it!
Quick Update
Still waiting for the new modem to arrive so I’m extremely limited to how much I can upload before the worn out piece of junk I’m currently using craps out again. I have discovered that blowing about half a can of air through the vents cools it down enough for me to stay online for as much as 20 minutes before it gets so hot it shuts down again. I think this time rather than following the tech support weasel’s advice to just toss the old one in the trash I’ll keep it. Since the average life span of the cheap junk our ISP provides is about 6 months it’s anyone guess when I’ll need spare parts. Maybe next time I can build my own modem (or even a Borg drone) while waiting for a replacement to arrive.
Buddy is in the pet hospital today so the house is unnaturally quiet. No, he’s not ill or injured, he’s getting neutered……poor guy. While I understand the need for such a thing it doesn’t make it any easier for me, as a man, to contemplate. I can’t help wondering if the pitch of his voice will change……or if eat all my shoes for leaving him in that place and letting them remove what are apparently his favorite toys.
My shutter button finger hasn’t been idle while the modem slowly melts down. This is the first Nuthatch I’ve seen this year and I managed to get a few frames shooting through the bedroom window again. I just hope I haven’t included too many images with this post to publish before the modem quits again. We shall see…….
These little guys have a unique way of feeding. They start at the top of a tree trunk and walk down, head first, pecking at tasty morsels hidden in the bark.
That is, they feed upside down when foraging for food.
When they’re getting their fill on the feeders they’ll eat upside down, backwards, sideways or any which way they can! The weather guessers are calling for more winter weather in the next few days so I should be able to get some good shots of the feathered gluttons as they put away as much free food as possible ahead of the weather.
Okay, now to see if I can get this published before the modem quits again. I’ll be around to visit all of you and respond to any comments you’ve left as soon as I get my new equipment. In the meantime y’all play nice. Don’t make me stop this car!
New Arrival in My Inbox
Isn’t e-mail great? Time and time again I’ll be wracking my brain for something to blog about and BAM! a friend or family member sends me something that I just have to share. Here’s the latest, sent to me by my darling bride.
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells ‘My wife’s going to have her baby in
the cab.’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs and I was in the wrong one.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths.’ I
instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction. Not more than five minutes
later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
‘massive internal fart.’
4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with One of his
medications. ‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘The patch. The Nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes,
the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,’ How long
have you been bedridden?’ After a look of complete confusion she answered
‘Why, not for about twenty years when my husband was alive.’
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
on a man I asked ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’ ‘It’s very good
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste.’ Bob
replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced A foil packet
labeled KY Jelly.
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that
read ‘ Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was completed, the
surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said ‘Sorry, we
had to mow the lawn.’
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon
whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further
embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said ‘I’m sorry.
Was I tickling you?’ She replied with tears running down her cheeks from
laughing so hard ‘No doctor but the song you were whistling was ‘I
wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.’
9. A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the
doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, and
examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked
if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. ‘Breast-fed, ‘ she replied.
‘Well, strip down to your waist, ‘ the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched
her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very
professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the
doctor said, ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’
‘I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, But I’m glad I came.’
By this time you are probably wondering how I manage to publish things like this from my padded cell I offer the following as proof that I’m not totally out of my mind……yet: Virginia Through My Lens
How hard can it be?
Re-posted from my Blogger page
Suddenly, the problems associated with genetic engineering to produce larger, plumper turkeys became all too apparent.
Place burd in oven, roast 3 hours at 325°, basting occasionally……”
Let’s see, take the knob off the oven, flip it over…..that’s 90 minutes at 650……..flip that rascal over again, twice………6 carry the 3……..
Uh,oh!
Do you suppose that was supposed to be 325°F?
US and metric time are the same, aren’t they?
I had a feeling buying that oven on sale at Tesco.com might present a problem one day.
If tenting the turkey is such a good idea how do you keep the tent poles from catching fire?
Why doesn’t Reynolds make fireproof turkey tents?
I read something about stuffing the bird. Does shoving him in an itty bitty sleeping bag count?
Did you know that if you mix Spam and Jell-O you can mold it into any shape you like, just like Play Dough?
Cooking tip: Don’t use lime Jell-O.
“Daddy why is the turkey green?”
“You’ve heard of aged beef…..this is aged turkey! It’s considered a delicacy in Japan!”
At least I didn’t set the yams on fire like a certain idiot I know did last Christmas!
Oh, wait…….that was me.
Cooking tip: If you mix Spam with orange Jell-O you can mold it into very realistic looking yams.
Does anyone else smell smoke?
